Retroactively posted in August 2025, as I'm copying some notebook entries before getting rid of the thing.
So, here I am, the birthday girl. Stardom for a day. And I'm writing this from work.
Insane how time passes. My contract ending tomorrow, the month that my beautiful Hopoe has spent ignoring me for the heinous crime of caring about what we had (and still have, in my mind). And just... being 26. Two days ago I was about to put an end to this life, I wasn't caring one bit that it was at the dawn of a new year.
Feeling lost. No light in my eyes. Not much more of a will to live. I don't even know if I'll make it to the end of this year [note: spoiler, I did]. Probably. But without much pleasure or joy of being here at all.
It was good from me to have brought breakfast, though. An act of goodwill. And they were all happy. Warms my heart, even superficially.
May they not see the cuts on my right arm. Especially not the ones on my radial artery, because they're running alongside it. Because if I had the courage, I would've pressed down and would not be writing this at all today.
Funny how Steph's words help with the thoughts.
And Beowulf [retroactive naming: my tattoo artist friend who was mentored by Tane] is nice. I'll go to his studio someday. Scorpio sun and rising that he is.