Cutting

 Retroactively published in August 2026 before getting rid of the notebook that this was written in.

Cuts. Lots of them.

I'm close to my end. It's like when you're walking alongside the edge of a cliff and trying your best not to look down, but the abyss is calling you and you can't quite not look away and then it's staring back at you. 

Because yes, look at the abyss in the eye, and it will look back at you. It hasn't ever stopped staring at you, actually. It's been a while.

When will I finally manage to jump?

Because yes, one day, I will. I just am waiting for my last guardrails to fail. One day, nothing will stop me. And that day, maybe, will be the last of my life. The best, probably.


[fuck I really was not doing well]