Gina is stopping. I'm... fucking hell. I'm pissed. I liked her very much. But apparently her health is failing her.
"Girls, I have to drop the classes for this season to take care of myself because health is calling me to order. Those classes were doing me so well mentally but I'll have to be honest, they were physically painful, and I ought to do what I ought to do. I don't want to let anyone down for the recital. I will still be coming to visit however and I will dance again with a lot of enthusiasm with you all in September of '27
If you're okay with it, I'd like to stay in the group to have news of you. 💜
Giving you all a lot of kisses!"
...Fuuuck.
First that girl who dropped, then Despina, then Gina.
And Amber and Malia are still missing in action. Amber is at least advising Hikianalia, but I got no news regarding Malia. I don't think she's all that communicative.
And I am coming back on Thursday.
***
Oh by the way, I found myself a seamstress for the costumes. She's in a city that isn't very far from here (about a dozen more kilometers further away from the one I usually go to) and is from the Austral Islands. Raivavae, the island where the tikis in front of the Gauguin museum are from. I'll have to name her with something.
You wanna know how I heard of her? Kohola. Yes. The other association... Kohola posted a story about a seamstress's shop there, and this did not quite fall on deaf ears! Or rather, on blind eyes ;)
***
I replied to Gina, like I always do, in spite of the voice in my mind going ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱɴ'ᴛ yᴏᴜʀ ʙᴜꜱɪɴᴇꜱꜱ ᴅᴜᴍᴅᴜᴍ, ᴡʜy ᴅɪᴅ yᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ, yᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇ ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢᴇ, yᴏᴜ ꜱᴛᴜᴩɪᴅ ꜱʜɪᴛ, ᴇᴠᴇʀyᴏɴᴇ'ꜱ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ yᴏᴜ, ᴇᴠᴇʀyᴏɴᴇ'ꜱ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀɴ ᴀᴛᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴡʜᴏʀᴇ, yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀyꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟy ᴏɴᴇ ʀᴇᴩʟyɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢᴇ, ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜱᴩᴀᴄᴇ yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ, yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ꜱᴜᴄᴋ-ᴜᴩ, yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀ-
"...Oh sweet no😭 It really is one after the other this autumn...
Yes, above all, take care of yourself. Dancing will always be there, and so will many of us. ❤️ Don’t forget your passion. 🌺"
And I hit sent. And I stepped away.
I'm...
***
By the way, my ex sent me a text this morning. Nevermind that I blocked her on the gram and on Whatsapp. Not Hopoe, nope, my ex.
I don't know how to feel about that.
"hey hii i hope you’re doing alright .. i am sorry if my message is of any inconvenience.. i was just wondering how you were if you’re okay .. yeah i was thinking about you if you’re doing alright! i am sorry if my message is not welcome. i hope you’re good.
if you don’t want to reply it’s okay too ill understand .. but yeah! take care good luck x"
I mean what the fuck are you trying to achieve here?
I first sent:
"Who's this? ...[name]?"
"yes it's [name]!!"
...Why.
I was tempted to tell her about the fact I recovered from illness, that I'm back south, dancing, I will absolutely not tell her about my suicide attempt or how and why I ended up back there...
...but at the same time, I urgh. I don't feel like bothering with my ex.
Like this is the ex who did this and that. And she has the nerve to come back?
Ah also, there was that moment she fucked me in a bar bathroom and then would disappear and then say, when I confronted her months later about the fact she said we would "see" if we'd get back together and then disappear like a coward, that she "didn't want to be rude or mean".
Yeah, are you bored now? Between girlfriends?
The resentment is still smouldering a year later. But I'd rather just, not. You know. It's just that she fucked up so bad I think it's not even surprising I resent her still a year later.
I feel like Hopoe who wouldn't let go of whatever crime I committed though.
But... in Hopoe's case, I literally did nothing. At least, my ex did some truly fucked shit. Me? I still have yet to know what the fuck I did.
Maybe I should publish the text I nearly sent her when I cut her off back in April. It's still sitting in my blog drafts.
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