Tra la la

My life is wonderful.

I haven't seen my ex nor heard her voice in four weeks, just texted, and I find myself wondering whether I'll see her again despite her told me that yes, she wants to see me but wants to have some stuff sorted out first, then is always busy. I'm aching as shit. I just want to see her and be at her place and make love to her. Please end my misery. Please, my dear, come back to me fast. I'm faltering.

I got a crush on my dad's colleague whose tattooed arms and massive body and sweet accent get me weak in the knees, and she's way older than me, 12 years older. All I know is that she's never been married at the ripe age of 38 and doesn't have kids. But oh man she's massive. Not fat. Massive. All muscle and robust bones. But has she ever liked a woman? Would she feel the same? And I have my ex in my heart too, and I feel I'm betraying her. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about how a kiss with my dad's colleague might feel, and how I'd laugh like a complete madwoman if I went into bed with her. Like, how the fuck is that happening bro. But will I? If that's meant to be it will be. I won't be able to escape it.

I wish the guy in charge of me was my dad. For real I connect well with this guy and I think I impress him by how quickly and efficiently I do my job, and got how to do it. But he ain't my dad and he may be totally different at home. I know what it's like.

The other guy I work with doesn't get it when I make a joke even if it's obviously one. No, he isn't autistic.

I eat early, as soon as I get home from work, so I don't go to bed on a full stomach or at least still digesting my dinner and then have issues sleeping. Dad tells me I should wait for him to come home. Excuse me, I ain't starving for 2 more hours just to please you. I have lunch circa 11:30am so it's been easily 7 hours without eating by the time I get home. But then tonight he didn't come home at all and didn't tell me until 9pm just to ask me to water the goddamn plants. Wow. Why I don't trust him.

I'm constantly sleep deprived and am about to sleep by almost 27 degrees in my room again tonight, oooh joy. I'm a walking fucking zombie and my damn coworker always tells me how I look exhausted. He is, too. My crush is not sleeping well either due to the heat.

But. The neighbours I hated moved away. Now that's a win. I have an easier time relaxing now.