My ex told me one day, at the beginning of our relationship, "you're young, I want you to have your own experiences". I felt like I was being punched in the face. First, because she had slept around a lot before me after her marriage fell apart in her early 20s. Second, because I've always been a devoted partner. Had I had the chance, I would've got engaged at 16 to the one I loved at the time, and married at 17. I was always the type of person to imagine my whole life with a single person: the thing is, the times and the way people do love has not given me that chance. I'm literally always expecting to be cheated on or dumped because it seems so commonplace today to just throw away your partner whenever they become an inconvenience.
But again, I'm not against divorcing or breaking up for valid reasons like cheating or abuse or just irreconcilable differences. The latter being... strange because those are things you try to find out before you actually tie the knot. Digression over.
I never quite saw the appeal of "having experiences". I never cared much for sleeping around. To me, you only cross this threshold if you're genuinely into the person and you plan on being with them at least for a good while. I've never been interested in casual dating, either: to date casually and not seriously is a heresy to me. Why give your heart to a person if it's not for them to keep it? What's the value of "fun" if it's meaningless?
Because people do talk about how "fun" dating is. How "fun" sex is. Yeah, I guess it is. But it's meaningless if there's nothing substantial coming out of it. It's like eating fast food: it tastes very good, yeah. But nutritionally? Void. Harmful even.
It's not even just about dating, it's about experiences in general. When I was in my late teens, I went to travel three times with a girl a few years older who ended up being abusive. Everyone in their 20s wanted to travel, take a Ryanair flight and spend a few days in a foreign country just to take some pics, show off on the 'gram, and then forget it like nothing happened. This is the fast food of travel, the mindless consumption of it. Those people who have a thousand flags in their bio make me feel enraged. How much did you actually did this place? Did you learn the language? Did you actually absorb it, or did you do it just for your retarded bucket list that is most likely based on another person or just the general public's bucket list? Not even truly your own for the most part?
Everyone seems to want the easy parts of life without the hard work. They want the money. They want the "healthy" relationship that is therapist-approved yet probably does not exist, why? Because to enter in a relationship is to collide with another human being that is not you. Again, not talking about things like abuse, of course this is NOT healthy. But if we keep looking for the "right" person, always swiping and always leaving as soon as there's some friction in fear of "lost time", we may not ever meet said person, ever. The right person does not exist. The perfect partner is a fantasy. And I think many people are too deep into the fantasy.
We live in a world that wants the rewards, only the reward. It only sees transactions, needs, optimization. It does not see the rawness, the messiness, what makes human existence worth living: they want a sanitized version of it that ends up being totally empty.
And this world will not have my skin. This world will not tell me how to live my life. It will not make me second-guess myself about what I want ever again. It damn nearly succeeded a handful of times, but on every instance of it, I ended up going back to my flow. I realized that I wasn't happy, and on top of that, what I would find would be sub-par. It would destroy me more than help me.
If you're looking for someone to encourage you to live your life and have as little useless "experiences" as you want, this is your sign. What is "living life" anyway?
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