On medical leave

 Until August 7th at least. That's a couple weeks. 

I did go to work this morning. Not that I felt even good. I was heavy, groggy, tired. Woke up multiple times last night starting from 3-ish am, when I had gone to bed rather early, before midnight. But I went, because I was convinced I was obligated. Didn't even have a full breakfast, my stomach closed off after two toasts with peanut butter and one yoghurt, plus my tea. 

I could barely speak. Everything felt like so much to me. I was almost dizzy, dissociated, and it didn't help that my computer, which had not been turned off properly for two weeks, was bugged out and I had to restart it in safe mode. 

It's when Hera came to check up on me (she's back from a 2 or 3 week leave I think) and told me to come to her office that I broke down. She said I shouldn't have come back, that I should've stayed at my mom's, but how damn come I could've? I didn't know that I could see a doctor to ask for medical leave while on... normal leave. She told me I had to see a doctor today. Find one, and ask for leave.

So, off to another doctor I was, around 11:40am. Before that, I went to fetch a salad in the snack bar, and... needless to say, I couldn't wait until I was out of it. I was trembling. I couldn't help but remember what happened with Hopoe, the table she sat on, the chairs on which I think I was lifted. I felt horrible there. This building scares me now. 

And Austral and Virgo bumped into me as I was coming out. They just said hello, how are you, and I couldn't reply a thing. It didn't seem they saw my eyes. 

I wonder if they know. For Hopoe to have deleted Whatsapp, surely she knew... but did Cass take her apart or something? Cepheus is still on leave until next week. 

Do they know and pretend it's fine? Or do they literally have no idea I nearly...? Died?

Either way. I'll be bringing back the papers to work and then... probably rest for a while until I can go get groceries. I need a bunch of stuff.

But fuck, if I could've indeed stayed at my mom's... but it may not be that bad of a thing I'm on my own. I can re-appropriate my room. Make it safe again. Maybe find new stuff to decorate it with, or rearrange things...