To hell with her

Did not have a good night at all. There was noise coming from outside keeping me awake. My mom and I ended up walking around in the neighbourhood at 1:30am, but the source was right below my window: our downstairs neighbour, an old man, had fallen asleep with his TV on. He needs noise to sleep, and he didn't realize the volume was high enough that I could hear it from my room.

He apologized. People his age still know how to behave, at least. Unlike Petty Officer Stupid who is probably a bit younger than me and behaves like an uncivilized boy.

***

But the main topic of this, and what the title of this entry is about, is that I just applied for the chancery job. The ad got bumped. They really are looking to hire, it seems. Not that I have the best chance, but why not. 

Even if I'm only available from November on unless I quit my current job, and even if I have no experience in chancery, and even if my advisor pretty much discouraged me, I'm applying anyway. I have every other skill except the chancery knowledge part and you will be tutored when you come. So I have a chance. I guess I do have one. I wouldn't be surprised not to get any response but with the military in any form, they generally do contact you back, even to say no. Public admin in general...

To hell with my advisor, really. I really appreciated her but the coldness starting from my failure at the last exam and how she seems to be distant now just... doesn't make me want to see her ever again. 

Like. Damn. I understand she's a professional, but to be a professional doesn't exempt you, ever, from even trying to have the least bit of humanity. Being professional and being empathetic are NOT mutually exclusive. She failed the test. There was no test per say, but you see what I'm getting at. I just refuse to continue working with her. 

It's at the air force base so it's much closer to the place I will have my classes with Hokulea. If I can get something there for the remainder of time I can spend here... that could be gold. I wouldn't need to commute too far and I could even shower or change before going dancing. 

***

I feel like, perhaps, telling Cass, or Austral, when I'll be back, that it's very likely I will just leave when my contract is over, or that I might even... go before that. I wonder if they will understand. I guess so. 

I will not name or accuse Hopoe, anyway. Even if they try to name her, I will tell them that I am not willing to speak ill of her. Yeah, even after she nearly killed me. I still don't want to speak ill of her. But I guess the whole thing was so collectively traumatic, at least for the four of us (Cassiopeia, Austral, Hopoe and I, also Virgo), that they will know. Cepheus would probably guess it, too. 

It is probably risky for the future to move away like this, but I just... honestly, I love this place, but I don't think I want to stay there. As I said... I mostly came back here for her, and for the rest of the team. In '27 probably many will be dispatched elsewhere, or straight up transferred. I will lose, again, part of my stars. Little by little, the team I have known in 2025 and spent the golden age with will be just a memory. If... I haven't lost them all, already.

Maybe I am a memory, too. I will be one of the ghosts haunting the quarters. Not talking about death, obviously. But military quarters and bases are full of ghosts. The ghosts of the ones who came, who started their career there, who cried, who laughed, who got transferred, who even.. passed, because yes. That also can happen. The ones who loved. The ones who publicly humiliated the one they couldn't get out of their head, too.

But Hopoe, I mean. She can contact me. She knows my facebook, even as my profile picture does not show my face for now, she has seen it. And she can type my name. And I'm probably still in her contacts in a way or another. No matter if I'm two or twenty or two hundred kilometers away...

***

"Lord I'm one, Lord I'm two, 

Lord I'm three, Lord I'm four,

Lord I'm five hundred miles from my home.

Five hundred miles, five hundred miles, 

five hundred miles, five hundred miles,

Lord I'm five hundred miles from my home..."