Achey Aka

I'm tired today. Not only is my workspace still not operational which means I'm doing pretty much nothing all day and it doesn't quite help with my nerves, I also had to deal with the asshole next door who was playing games and talking loudly over voice chat. I knocked once. Dude doesn't come. I knock multiple times. I wait. Dude is still playing. I was even considering calling for the officer on call because this guy was pissing me off to no end, it was also getting late and I wanted to read in bed, but his shit made it impossible for me to concentrate. When I could finally get a hold of him after a good half hour knocking… I told him to quiet it down. He apologized through the door, not even opening it.

 But still for fuck's sake dude. You don't exactly speak loudly when you're living in that kind of building. Especially as it's 9:30pm and many people are starting to go to bed. Have some goddamn consideration, asshole!

My joints hurt. I had to crouch down quite a bit and my knees, especially my left, hurt. My hips, too. Ovulation seems to have stopped torturing me for the most part, but I still get left with joint pain. I don't know if I've always had it or if I'm just discovering it as I'm no longer dissociating as much. I'm in my mid twenties and I'm already getting hit with that... think about when I'll be seventy. But regardless. Fuck that. I want to dance. I'll do ori tahiti again when I have an opportunity. I hate that the last time I had some, I was, for the first one, too tired from a train journey after my exam to go the next day, and second, my late PMS was killing me so much that just a walk outside would leave me drained enough to barely be able to do anything the rest of the day. You can't quite dance in that state. What I'm pissed the most about is that it was ori tahiti AND hula! Hula for Hi'iaka... talk about a missed opportunity. But alas, my body said no.

As I was going to the snack bar to get my lunch (because I absolutely DID NOT feel like eating at the mess given how tired I feel), I came across one we will call Austral. She's part of my dad's former team, although she wasn't ever under his orders as she only came after he had passed commandment to Cepheus. Thus, she's not "tainted" by his presence at all. She also happens to be Reunionese and get along well with Hopoe. We said hello to each other, caught up a little. I told her I was no longer at his place and lived onsite. She said, don't cut contact… he's your dad, after all. I said, it's more complicated than that. She said oh, alright. Then we parted ways. I grabbed my lunch and went out. I like her a lot. She's got some really fun energy and sometimes I wish we were closer. She'd make a good friend.

Frankly? I don't blame her for saying that I shouldn't cut my dad off. People don't realize how much of a piece of shit he is, and even in the cases that are not mine, they rarely truly have an idea of how bad things are for someone to cut off a parent. And she probably grew up with better parents than me, or at least I hope so. People who say such things don't mean any harm. They just… don't get it. Though I guess she has a sense, now, that there is a thousand more things hiding under my few words.

I could finally get to do some work this afternoon, but I can tell I've had a less than ideal night. Yesterday's guy stressed me out. I just hope he won't be as noisy tonight. If he has any bit of a brain cell in that head, he will know better. If not, I'll definitely know my neighbour is a dumbass. I'll take him over my dad being hard on my sisters, though. Hearing him pressing them, snapping at them, talking to them like he's ordering them around all the time, from the upstairs room. The emotional tension I could sense in the house. No really. That idiot is much more tolerable, even if extremely annoying and kind of triggering for me. I need to be alone and not to be bombarded with sounds coming from the room next to me to feel calm. To be assaulted with noise regardless of how tired I was, or how bad I was feeling, was exactly what made it worse in the past. It's the sense I have no choice but to endure. 

Except this time, I barked. The guy was getting annoying and I wasn't going to swallow it. Sure, I was nice about it. But I knocked until this MF listened. It took me 30 minutes to do so and I guess he knows that I'm determined as shit now. If you're NOT answering, I'll knock until you come and listen. Siege tactics by Hi'iaka.

Anyway. I think that's it for today.

I'll go see the team either on Thursday morning or perhaps on Monday, if I'm too tired on Thursday. I don't want to go there tired,  Maybe have some tea with Cassiopeia in her office like I would in the past. It was my favourite part of the week, going here for tea. A smile to my beautiful Hopoe, even if she doesn't say a word. And if I can show my ankle tattoo, I will. She has to see it. I just don't want to be all over her, you know. Make little steps, bit by bit. I just hope that… it can unlock during the two months I'm here, even if it just lays a foundation for the future.