Pain

I'm on day 8 of my cycle and it's already beginning to hurt.

Like. Day 8. DAY. EIGHT. For fuck's sake. I have barely finished my period that I'm already feeling my left ovary working itself up, irradiating down into the vagina, and that I need a hot water bottle when it's 33 degrees outside, probably something like 24-25 inside, because otherwise I'm just in pain. 

I want to cry. I have slept better last night, more deep sleep if we believe my watch, but... God dammit. This appointment on Friday can't come any sooner. I don't even remember having painful ovulation when I was a teen, or mildly so: at the time it was my period that was the problem mostly. Painful as shit that I'd grit my teeth through. 

But in my twenties, gradually, it started to get painful around ovulation, and it's been just getting worse. Thinking about it, it's that same painful ovulation and pressured feeling that led me to the midwife's office back when I was 22 or so, and the ultrasound gave no indication of cysts, but somehow she didn't get me assessed for endometriosis.

Not to mention those few times I literally missed a period, all occurring after I turned 25. Now ovulation feels like pressure in my lower stomach, on the side of whichever ovary decided to fire a round. Looks like it's the left one this time around. 

And also, my joint pain is back. It had gone for the most part, but I noticed my knees were sensitive when I crouched down to sweep off some dustballs earlier. I thought it had begun when I went to that cardio workshop a couple months ago in Toulouse, arrived thirty minutes late because I had lost my way there, had to perform a tifene position without any prior warmup (that is, except me walking fast up a hill for 750m), and blew a tire hitting the sidewalk while parking.

And the other idiot in the next room didn't go out of the quarters for the weekend. The asshole who was bothering me at night. He kept at it til 1am last night, but since it's a long weekend, I didn't scold him. Thought, hey, I can just sleep in if he steals some of my night.

Now it's the middle of the afternoon, it's okay if he's noisy... but I hate overhearing him. Overhearing this stupid laughter. Hearing his controller. Hearing this fucking chair creaking and wondering how much he must weigh because mine doesn't make such noises and I can't get it to bend backwards. I'm not going around blasting music and I literally made a sound test on the first few days I was here to make sure I wasn't bothering anyone. Him? Nada. No fucks given except when there's authority involved.

The best thing is that I think he was sick all last week. I heard him coughing his lungs out, even during lunch time (which makes me think he remained in his room most of the time) and at times I actually thought about knocking on his door and asking him if he needed anything. I would've called for help if there was any sound that would make me think he was in real trouble. Was considering even being friendly, all of that, because he may be fucking braindead, he might be a nice guy otherwise.

But I can't shake it, this fucker grates my nerves to no end. I even consider going out for a walk in this heat because I just don't want to hear him. I just... I'm tired, I want some calm. Literally nobody else in the building makes this much noise. There's a colonel right next to my door and I never hear him. Granted he probably goes home to his wife and kids in the weekend but during week evenings, I don't hear a peep from his door. It really all is Petty Officer Stupid that I hear. I did hear a few phone conversations from the other doors, from a female chief warrant officer in the room facing mine, but I had to be in the HALLWAY to overhear her. So...

I'm considering doing more laundry, but I'm trying to figure out a way to do all my laundry in one go, even if it means hogging two machines, one for the clothes (no dryer), one for the towels (which go into the dryer), for a short time. I got myself two new lipsticks because I was tired of using the same pink one whenever I had an outfit that isn't suitable for either matte rust, matte hot red, shiny red or dark wine red. They're relatively sheer so they just add a pretty tint to my lips. Tough finding a shade that's actually close to my natural ones without it looking too purplish or too brown.

Also got one of those spritz bottles to cool off at night, because I can't do what I used to in hot summers: freeze a bottle of water and put it between my legs in a washcloth, and sleep with it. A hairband too, and a long flowy dress that I found really pretty in the store. 

Let's just hope I get to see Hopoe this week and that we finally can... talk. Perhaps touch. Hearing her voice would be a treat. Now that she's unblocked me, I'm not going to run away anymore. I know that at least saying hello is within boundaries.

But God, I do hope Petty Officer Stupid shuts up for a bit. Be jolly all you want, dude, but please give me a break. Think of the girl behind the wall!