My mom doesn't see me as someone who would do well having a child.
She says I would suffer. That it would constrain me too much.
Now either she doesn't see me or she is right, both of which mean that I'm fundamentally unfit for something as natural as passing on my genes and nurturing a little being and diluting the shitty genes of my pool.
Because yeah. I am tied between this need to nurture, in me, and this idea that I do want children purely out of biology. I feel that my genes might be worth passing on. And you know. I may have a terrible father, but to stop the bloodline here would mean that I've given up on clearing out his influence.
The way to stop a cycle is not to cease reproducing, but to instead dilute it by having your children do something different.
That said, I'm crushed by this feeling that.. she doesn't see me in the role of a mother.
Maybe I'm an eternal daughter after all.
Never to be a real woman, ever.
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