The black hole and the Sun

 I kinda hate to write more than one entry a day, but I have to express this somewhere.

I'm bored. I've sent my CV to temporary agencies, also to a collectivity. But replies take a while.

In the meantime, I watch those Stargaze videos that make me feel sometimes nauseous with existential dread, but this one particularly shook me. Hence why the new blog entry...

A black hole, in many cases (though not always, but for the purpose of this I'll use this case) is a dead star. Frequently a massive one. A blue giant, a red giant, a supergiant of any colour, that has collapsed onto itself and become this colossal object that is so dense that nothing can come out of it, not even light. It has such phenomenal gravitational force that it can sling planets around, absorb others, eat up stars, nothing resists in its wake.

That one would be entering the Solar System. Doing its black hole job. Ejecting the dwarf planets, doing whatever with Uranus (...lol), ejecting Neptune like it's just some blue ball, disrupting the asteroid belt and sending a bunch towards the Earth... 

...and eating Jupiter alive, wearing its remains like a shawl around its core. A shawl of fire and gas.

And then it keeps advancing. Ejecting. Devouring whatever's in its wake.

Until that moment when it finally reaches the Sun. (8 minutes or so into the video, if you're curious to skip to this part).

The massive dead star, once a brilliant giant or supergiant, starts absorbing the Sun's atmosphere. 

A living star that would be too small and light to become a black hole.

You see a swirl of gas going around this big, dark center, all the while you see two immense columns of mushroom clouds going from the top and the bottom.

"Our Sun is no more."

And it keeps getting consumed away, the swirl keeps spinning around the dead star as it strips ours of everything bright, burning, and radiating, until all that remains is the remnants...

A view from Mercury says that some planets, which are still here, will keep gravitating around the black hole. 

A new solar system.

Meanwhile, the ejected ones are forever roaming the universe.

My core. 

The entirety of this, I could feel it.

Because here, I am the Sun.

The massive, dead star? It's her. It's Hopoe.

A black hole is basically a star that has become something utterly unrecognizable. Back when we didn't know that some stars could actually end up like that, we had no idea what those were made of, only that they were insanely potent, infinitely dark objects that swallowed everything in their wake and left literally nothing.

And what it doesn't swallow, it slings around violently, to be sent God fucking knows where, never to be the same again.

Hi'iaka is no more.

Alive, of course. The body is here. In appearance, the person is still here.

But I am no more.

What's at the core of me, what made me once bright (despite dimmed already), what made me a star

is gone.

And I can't become a black hole, myself. Because I don't have what it takes. I don't have this power. I can't just do anything of what she did, to anyone, because it would feel abhorrent, or it would make me feel horribly guilty.

I'm just too small and too light to become one.

Sit with that.