A walk in the park

We had our service's "day of the departing" today. This included a long ass walk to a park I didn't know, activities there, a picnic, and then going back.

I did NOT want to go. My weekend had been so tiring the last thing I wanted was to walk eight kilometers in a day (four outward, four return), do more physical activity, and also have no downtime at lunch.

But I had to go. It was compulsory. But I had a good time, honestly, and someone else earned a nickname today.

***

I had a long talk with Leo on the way. Of course, Leo being Leo, he explained to me the importance of cohesion in a group, and all. Despite everything, he seems understanding and never got aggressive or manipulative in his tone. Good, I guess. But I can just sense an energy similar to my father's. The only thing is that he doesn't feel nearly as toxic as my father is. I don't think he would hit a dog willingly, or emotionally abuse his children. There's just not that "extra thing" that feels rotten on the inside with him. Nah, he's just... Leo.

I spent also a lot of the time talking with Minerva, who is just coming back from a week-long vacation with her wife in Brittany. They literally had no problem with the heatwave; they could open their windows at night, the days weren't overall too bad, they pretty much escaped the horrible week that I had. I felt kind of jealous, not gonna lie.

And about the professional exam, well. Minerva only BARELY passed. The threshold was 17, as I mentioned... 17.8 in fact. Minerva had 18.2. The bar was astonishingly high for the lowest of the low in public service. I bet hardly anyone was selected. Not me, nor Passiflora, that's all I know.

***

Then later on, during this endless outbound walk, one of the first sergeants, who I've always liked but never had too much of an opportunity to talk to more, joined us. The one who once made two tasty cakes for her birthday. Like Passiflora, she's from Martinique. I will name her Chara (β CVn) after the brightest star from a minor constellation, Canes Venatici, the Hunting Dogs. I wanted to give her a flower name like Passiflora, but none fit. Chara, in Greek, means "joy". 

She's often close to Esme. I guess it's the Caribbean sisterhood. Guyanese and Martiniquais. We spent most of our time together, just talking. 

Chara is forty, just eight months older than Hopoe: it's insane how I seem to connect well with 40-somethings, especially late thirties to early forties. We got Passiflora, Chara, Hopoe, also Tane, a friend of mine I might name but who is Tane's student and recently left the army to be a tattoo artist (actually met him at my former contract, while he still was a first sergeant!), likely my piercer too... yet when I was born, they were starting to grow up. 

I guess I'm as mature as them, maybe. Or perhaps they're immature for their age. But Chara doesn't seem immature to me, neither does Passiflora, or Tane... or my other tattooist friend... so perhaps it's me, or just that I have "outgrown" things people my age do much earlier than I technically would if I were "normal". Either way, all I know is that I seem to get along especially well with this age range. Solid Millennial, born between mid-late eighties to early nineties. I mean, my brother turns thirty-six soon, so...

***

Chara was on medical leave for a week because her cervical vertebrae got blocked following the moving. She has a known fragility there, didn't do all that much and yet... well. Ended up with a blocked neck and body for a week. She literally has to take painkillers laced with opium to not be in pain. Thankfully she has a boyfriend, because imagine being a single mom with a blocked neck. Her kids are nine and three years old.

When we arrived at the park, we did a bunch of activities. I don't want to get into them too hard because while it was fun, I'm just not really in the mood to detail it all, but long story short: there were several teams and mine, composed of Chara, Theodora, Minerva and I, lost. Like, we were the last one. Lmao.

Just before lunch there was a sort of ceremony held for those who are departing. A newly promoted warrant officer who I don't know and will not name, Esme, and Janus who is moving... to the floor my father is on, and I think he will be part of his team or at least working not very far. 

Sigh. Not only do I lose Gill to that first floor, I also have to lose Janus. I just don't want to bump into my father when I come say hi, you know?

***

Esme opened her gifts. Capella gifted her a rice cooker, some others gave her a gift card compatible with a bunch of shops, and she also got something else I don't remember but that was stored in a pink bag. I had drawn flowers on the package. Felt like drawing her something, but thought it would be a bit much. No, really. I don't like the idea of buying her something. Plus I have a bit of an... issue with people not quite appreciating my gifts. Not that they don't like them, though that happens, but I never feel like it means as much to them as it means to me.

The others did, too. The first sergeant, and Janus. And then began the apéritif, then we ate. Finally. We were hungry as shit.

***

I sat alongside Esme. Chara, too, remained by my side. All three of us, together. Esme was quiet as usual and read the little messages we all wrote to her, including mine. She said nothing about it, but it probably touched her, somewhere. Esme is Esme: still waters run deep with her. I did some more recordings but it appears the longer ones, which would last 25 minutes sometimes fairly silently, have not been saved. Perhaps in my hurry to stay discreet, I accidentally deleted them. Still got 6, 7, 10 minute ones.

***

After the sandwich, Chara and I barely had the time to lay down and enjoy some time resting and talking laying down (btw, the best conversations always happen while you're laying down, lol) that it was already time to go.

This time, in the group, it was mostly us and Esme at the tail. Then just her and I, as Esme was going slower and talking with Janus, but a part of the group decided to take a shorter path to the quarters and Esme was leading us. 

I actually sometimes felt like she was taking a longer route, but it was fun having her lead. She does walk differently when she's not in military attire. You get to see a... more natural Esme. In fact, I wish I could've hung out with her in a more informal setting. But we didn't get enough time together for that. I wouldn't have asked after like, weeks. I'm so afraid of being like those histrionic people who think people are closer to them than they actually are that I wouldn't dare even suggest it.

***

I wish we had free time after, but we had to work.. again, after coming back.

And I walked, guess it... more than I walked the last time, in total. My watch says 19039 steps lmao. That's a little over 13km, still. 

Eh, maybe I'm capable of covering more distance than I realize?

***

Side note: I don't think I'll be using Skype to check if Hopoe is here when I pass by.

Why? Because the minute she's offline when she's supposed to be at work, I wonder where she is, and I don't think this is a great idea.

It happened this afternoon. Hopoe was back online this morning, but for some reason in the early afternoon she was offline, and of course, I had a surge of anxiety. 

I think it's better if I don't know where she is really.