UUURGH.

The ultrasound next week can't come any faster, I swear.

The nausea. The freaking nausea. I slept with the basin next to my bed yesterday evening because I was so tired laying down made me feel heavy and dizzy. I was concerned about possibly barfing. Thankfully that didn't happen.

This morning, I took an antiemetic because I didn't feel well, either. Missed the flag hoisting ceremony because I was in the bathroom (not throwing up, just.. pooping). I barely have an appetite, at all. Ate half of my salad this lunch and I don't even want dessert. I feel sort of full even if I know I'm not. A slight headache. Just... not feeling well.

The pressure on my ovary. The same as on day 8 of my cycle. The left one. This is definitely the one that fired this month. Goddamn. I hate that. I was thinking about taking the anti-inflammatory the midwife prescribed but it's a variant of ibuprofen so... not exactly easy on the stomach. What worries me is throwing up at work. 

In my room? I can get to the bathroom no problemo, and nobody will see me tossing my cookies. It'll suck, but I'll get over it just like I did the night I left my father's home to an Airbnb a few months ago. But at work? If anyone even mentions I'm pale? Hell if I have to barf into my rubbish bin? Or worse, if I can't make it to the bathroom and do it in the midst of the corridor like a little kid at school?

Please. I don't want any humiliation of the sort. They comforted me as I was breaking down three days ago, but... I'd like not to cause any more ruckus. I don't want, you know. To "overspend" people's compassion. They only have a limited amount of it before I become a burden and I don't want to be one.

Capella wasn't here this afternoon. She is tired, overworked, decided to go on leave this afternoon. Will be there tomorrow morning. I'm going to book my leave days soon: just received my count. Place a few this summer, maybe a week. I don't want to overdo it: a week is enough, I get bored otherwise. Even if I'd like to go to my mom's sometime, just to see my cats.

It eased as the day went. I was less nauseous, could eat some candy,  but I still don't feel very well tonight. Finishing my salad and then having a can of tuna and a banana makes me feel so uncomfortable. More poops. It's not diarrhea, but it's that kind of thing that happens a lot during ovulation. Peeing a lot, pooping a lot, feeling like my organs are just getting "pressured" by whatever's growing on my ovary. 

I mean, soon enough I'll find out. I don't care if the ultrasound is uncomfortable. I want to find out once and for all. 

Malva called me a while before it was time to clock out. We talked a little. Nice to hear about her.

***

BTW. On Saturday I'm going to a dance recital. Ori Tahiti of course. Hopoe, too, is going. I know because she asked about lottery tickets, as there will be a lottery going on. I want to buy some too, and this morning, I learned that there would be a flower crown making activity... and obviously, I'll attend. I wonder if this might be a moment we share again, the one that breaks the ice. After all, it won't be at work and we'll be just... in our thing.

Anyway. I barely have the mojo to write tonight. I hope not to throw up.