Undecayed

 I don't know how long I'll sleep with my red pareu. I've been sleeping with it since the first night after the accident. First I would wear it to sleep, but then realized I preferred sleeping in a shirt and panties. In Vaima's shirt, by the way. Not so much a conscious choice as it was because both my sets of PJs were either in the laundry bag or drying on the rack, but still I noticed that it's in that shirt that may be ridiculous on me but strangely comfortable still. "Boys will always be boys". Don't know if Vaima is well-versed in English but it's so ironic for a lesbian like me to wear such a shirt.

Maybe it's just for a while. I slept with Hopoe's pearl only for a little bit, stopped a couple of days after she unblocked me. Now it's still sitting on my nightstand when I go to bed, but I don't wear it to sleep anymore. 

And... well. I mean. Less than a week ago, my life almost came to an end. 

If it had, my body would've started decaying already. 

Perhaps my mom would've driven all the way up to here to discuss what to do with it since I don't have a will nor expressed a specific wish in writing. I honestly, truly have no idea what I want to become of my body when I die. It will depend of where I am, I guess. If there's any crematorium around (overseas there isn't any I reckon), then burial it is. If there is, perhaps cremation. If I could be buried at sea, I would be. Or perhaps donated to a museum so I can eyeball visitors for the remainder of my existence, and nobody would guess I even had a blog. 

It's such a disturbing thought yet I can't help but go there. Plus it's been hot in the past couple of days.

Picture this in your head. Of course I would've been in the morgue, but undisturbed, my body would already start to go green. Probably the green spot that appears on your bowels first, on the right-hand side, would've extended to my whole belly. Depending on my skin tone, you could see it as straight up green, or just a darker spot. I would possibly start to smell a little bit. And given the heat, probably it'd be stinky as shit. 

Stinky Aka. Not Sleepy Aka, Stinky Aka. 

***

I would be dead. I wouldn't be typing this, not seeing this laptop, not be wearing a jumpsuit that looks almost exactly like the one Hopoe wore at the recital. 

...Yes. Lmao. Because I just realized it looks the same. I fucking cracked up in front of my mirror when I noticed. 

That thing was one of the last things I bought at my father's place, it was on sale because it was still winter, and I found it cute, tried it on, and took it. I think Hopoe's though doesn't have a corduroy top, and it isn't cut exactly the same. But a jumpsuit with a white top and light beige-brown shorts... reaching about the middle of the thigh.

I kind of wish now that I would've worn this at the recital instead of my orange dress. Imagine us noticing we are actually dressed the same when we had no idea the other would choose to wear this specific garment. Hilarious. 

***

Tomorrow I'll have this exam. The oral exam that might get me titularized in the end. Will be taking a train there in the morning and return in the evening. I'm trying to keep preparing but I'm not entirely confident about the questions/answers part. 

My introduction? Pitching for five minutes? I've rehearsed it with Hera and the other guy multiple times. Just gotta have an extra look to it, remind myself of which parts in which order I speak about, and there it is. 

But the extra knowledge about public service and other structures that I'm not particularly interested about because all I care about is getting a proper job and not have to think about this anymore... mmmh. 

***

Guess I'm going to spend my day cleaning. I like cleaning. And reorganizing my space.