I want to vomit

Hopoe seems to still want to go to that festival. I checked, again, on a news article, and there it is, her name in the "love" reactions. Hokulea's is too, but that's secondary. 

Meanwhile I'm feeling sick just at the idea of seeing her, so much that I try my best to figure out a way to go, but... I have no way to know when she will be there, if we'll bump into each other, I'm just stuck. I'm pretty sure she's going to be there for the tamure marathon on the third day at least. And who could she be with? Could I get a sight that definitely makes me break? Like her with a man or something, or just someone else?

I checked her profile to see if anything was up... and I saw that she had changed her cover photo for yet another unicorn. On July 25. Two days later I was unable to function at my desk and had to be put on medical leave. 

Unicorn resting her arm on a jar of glitter. Looking smug.

"Je suis une licornasse.
50% licorne, 50% connasse. 
Je mets des paillettes dans la vie des gens, mais selon leur comportement, je peux aussi leur en mettre directement dans les yeux.

La magie, c'est donnant-donnant".

Translation:

"I'm a unibitch.
Half-unicorn, half-bitch.
I bring glitter to people's lives, but depending on how they behave, I can also throw it in directly in their eyes.

Magic is give and take."

I just want to vomit at such stuff. There's a whole thing about women being proud of being bitchy and "annoying" and whatnot, and I hate it so much. I find it so... puerile. Not juvenile. Puerile. That's one level below juvenile. 

You put this shit right as I come back here and get thrown into medical leave because I can't go to work because of what YOU have done to me. I can't fucking go to this festival because I'm scared of what it's going to happen if I see YOU in any way. 

Are you overcompensating or are you genuinely a sociopath at this point? I'll probably regret those words but for fuck's sake, Hopoe... where have you gone?? Where's the woman of last year who was silly and who looked like a middle schooler but was otherwise endearing? Where's the woman I love, and who loved me too, and who still does, because let's be real, you never actually stopped, did you?

Just, fuck you, Hopoe, how can you perform all of this shit. Because that's what it is, performative. It's gross. It makes me want to vomit. I fucking hate unicorns now I swear, I used to find them silly and a bit tacky unless you're younger than 13... but oh God. This has taken a whole new level for me. 

Oh by the way, still no Whatsapp again. And her Galaxy profile picture is still in my phone (not saved, really on the contact) so it's not that she changed her number. Still hiding, I guess? I don't even know if she's anywhere around at work. I don't know how her car looks like and while I had a couple suspicions especially about a white car with a Hinano sticker, it turned out it belongs to a girl from the Navy. 

Just how, Hopoe, how?

Where's the fucking magic? The whole unicorn glitter is not supposed to be... like this. Unicorns are not supposed to be unbearable. They're supposed to be fun, innocent, silly, even a bit mythical, and they got twisted into this... garbage.

I just, Hopoe. Why are you doing this?